Uprooted love

fluorescent walls.. of a
world i never belonged
make my fists bleed.
when it kills me to know
that i m still alive,
and i dont know
how i woke up in this bed. ...

all i remember is..
wishing
this insomnia had taken
with itself
my last breath away...
twasnt meant to be
the last one,
now i realise....
and nobody's there to
tell me if
i ever see you again...............

still dont feel like
admitting ..
searching roads beyond you
wasnt something to be done...
and i still cant find out
what lies beyond this edge,,
no , i dont blame
you for bringing me
to this brink..
and.oh....the pebbles are so loose here...
n i am afraid
i wont die once more..

tears cant sour these eyes no more
..bled my heart out..
even then.. what keeps pumping
this agony in my veins.....
when this way downhill
seems steep to satisfaction,
and i m no more near
something safe...
to stop my chances..
identities perish and
the sands will never know..

feel the reverberations
as i send waves into the
empty air..
and i would be lying
if i said ,
they dont remind me
..of the wishes
that swept my life away..
.. came so close
to touching
whats so unreal...

legs dont tremble anymore..
the last scene of
this thing i called life
couldnt have been
more silent and lifeless....
close my eyes
for one flash of
everything i ever lived ....

......................

and i find your face
with its aurora of emotions
gripping me all over...
breaking the cemeteries
inside me to life..
no heaven or hell
to go to..
i find myself wishing
for your...
and i cant decide...
how can i want everything
at the same time
only that everything is
you...

and i look behind
wishing to feel
your fingers...
as
a pinch of cold emptiness
kisses my bare heels ....

I m done with
this life of an angel
If I couldn’t feel
the friction of ur skin,
All that these heights
can tell me is that
I can fall to be
One amidst the darkness
That stays inside ur lips
If u think I never can
Feel pain
As angels shouldn’t..,
Doesn’t a wound feel like
One that you left behind
Spreading inside this dermis…

I haven’t yet learnt to bleed
But the wetness that soaks
My mind , after the
Tempest lost its trails
Reminds me of something
Fluid like blood, I find the
Alleys inside me flooding..
Couldn’t ever guess
The accent grazing in ur eyes..
All that I can do
Is to read over the lines
Of my life once again..
And let faint sonorous impressions
Of shadows that passed by
Fill these empty pages
With thoughts from
The inkpot of ur memories….

Someone knocks on….
Never did I know the meaning of a feeling
That keeps bleeding inside inside as love..
May be that eyes are not always enough
Icy glances that are left behind
For the empty roads to savour..
Never did save the moment.

Perhaps I could say how it feels like
When the touch brushes aside..
Leaving these vacant places even emptier..
Ticking on and on..
A desperate hope of evading
All warps of time
Keeps lurching in vain….

The sounds of mundane chores …
Have to win in the end..
End semesters and millions of promises
And a million more expectations…
Somehow prove their present worth
On these shoulders
That took nineteen years to build
Suddenly burying evrything else…

In a world where change is the rule
And speed is the name of every game
How could I cling to a speck of fantasy..
Only this bit of poison
Still circulating in my blood
Sometimes speaks out its existence
Reminding me of myself……

Sometimes you don’t need to reason
To listen to what your heart silently whispers to you…
Sometimes its so desperate…
That you need not find a meaning to….

When the magic silently unfolds..
Unheaping its charms on you….
When your breath desires for someone’s scent..
When u feel the need for something new…

But hands are fettered..
Inviting little evidences in the look of her eyes..
Is all I have for myself to feel anew..
Never ever just let this moment row through..

Find her smile different in more than one way today
Never thought bout it right from the start
Building up something in my heart time and again
Only to leave pieces of her falling apart….

Inside the blanket of her dreamy eyes
Wonder if she calls someone in her mind
Wonder if her voice sings for me quietly…
If only was there a way to find

Never know if these moments will be drowned..
With the flow of time and tide
Don’t care if the slice of fantasy in my dream
Is too bold to kiss my eyes…

Inner words that want to be felt..
Senses that want to be satisfied to the very sinew…
Before hearing a goodbye…
Think of her is all I can do…

Yes I’m still home
Weaving words
In your wait
Desert roads and grassy terrains
I am ignorant
Of wat u overcame to
Be smelt by my breath
Ur face reminds me of
Ur desire of not letting
Me run out warmth
Naughty smiles and hisses
Tantalize their way
Finding roads inside me
Wouldn’t u love to
Stop by the woods jus awhile
While I figure out
The undulations of ur voice
I understand u like to
See yourself float in my eyes
Inside a dream
That’s still to please
The ticking hands of time
Let me tease you
And droop down asleep
‘Tis one of those hours
When I’m drunk
Without alcohol……..

Darkness and angst is wat lurks these eyes
Answers cant I find as to why
Hazy are the ways of this life but I think…
I think there s yet lots left to deny

Hold on , I cant just stop sighing
Paradoxic spells of relief
Carry on, ur ravage in my mind
But still aint close doors of belief

And I know that all this aint make sense
Anymore, and I ve told myself more than jus once
Stalled are the sand clocks of time n I’m afraid
Blank is this heart but still it runs

And all worth sayin before words speak no more
Is that I don’t need those moments to savour
I care very little for wats in the store
Coz I am already done with ur favour

Droopin off to dreams is all left to do
But I don’t want the jingle of ur smile
To stray into that world, just do let this
Short little fantasy thrive a while

Hold on , I cant just stop sighing
Paradoxic spells of relief
Carry on, ur ravage in my mind
But still aint clos doors of belief

Tried to redeem myself as good as I could…
Wiping off worn off tunes
Letting withered leaves take care of
What was left behind….

The whispers that kept reverberating
Inside the shadows of the mahoganys….
Inside the purple coffin of peace….
Inside the ripples of saltless seas…..

Dry are my eyes today
Playing with sand dunes….
Winds will blow as seasons sway
Footprints on sand can only but refuse….

What had to perish has to….
When belief had to take the shape of but…
A string of lies..
Nevertheless it had to snap

Eddies keep hissing under the night sky
The fire of survival keeps the lamp burning
In the bedouin’s eye..keeping his hut warm
As long as night should stay in the offing

Slated to receive not the warmth
But the heat of the sun with daybreak
Tendons do feel a creaking…
Premonitions of a soulwreck..?

Life ll keep rolling its dice
Chaining to these lungs a scent
Waiting for the next spell of rain
Saving in this heart what memories had to lend…

now that spooky impulses
fill this life,
every moment sways
in its own way
of disobeying time.
jumping into bed with a new face
of circumstances every night;
waking up with a grimace
leaving all that behind....
but never let
this meter run low.
the sweet taste
of kissing a new dream
never hesitates to show...
letting these fingers
slip into the clothes
of utopian outcomes...
searching for ecstasies
erotic on their own terms...
but still so rosy
letting me move without care
for the errors that i dare
leave behind for this planet.
come what may...
never wanna let go
of the way it feels now;
that my sails are free to blow,
that i have let
the dust of memories
get forgotten off
in this breeze,
can i hear the whisper
of the runways....

yeah,perhaps its that way
when every chase
ends up searching
for futility
tried so hard
to keep track of that mind
that drifted away
leaving behind this insanity
so difficult to erase

when every way through
ends in serrated edges
where reasoning is of little use
but perhaps still worth a try
burying myself
in this grave of complexities
inviting impulses of happiness
in trains of haluccinations
but still when
silent cemeteries
and boyhood smiles
fuse inconspicuously

i can still realise
the feeling of being
far from reality
before the final spark
leaves behind the darkness
of exhaustion....

crumpled pieces of paper
torn bits of life
turn stranger to those eyes
riddled by scissorhands of fate
blind conscience accepts defeat
at the hands of distraught.....
no more of that word
to kiss the air in these lips
destinations tried to change
but the captivity of these prison ships....
who could ever escape?
who cares if it is
marijuana or cocaine
once the snort finds its way
in the rhythm of these veins
...just life never changed its view
by peeping through coloured lens...