all i remember is..
wishing
this insomnia had taken
with itself
my last breath away...
twasnt meant to be
the last one,
now i realise....
and nobody's there to
tell me if
i ever see you again...............
still dont feel like
admitting ..
searching roads beyond you
wasnt something to be done...
and i still cant find out
what lies beyond this edge,,
no , i dont blame
you for bringing me
to this brink..
and.oh....the pebbles are so loose here...
n i am afraid
i wont die once more..
tears cant sour these eyes no more
..bled my heart out..
even then.. what keeps pumping
this agony in my veins.....
when this way downhill
seems steep to satisfaction,
and i m no more near
something safe...
to stop my chances..
identities perish and
the sands will never know..
feel the reverberations
as i send waves into the
empty air..
and i would be lying
if i said ,
they dont remind me
..of the wishes
that swept my life away..
.. came so close
to touching
whats so unreal...
legs dont tremble anymore..
the last scene of
this thing i called life
couldnt have been
more silent and lifeless....
close my eyes
for one flash of
everything i ever lived ....
......................
and i find your face
with its aurora of emotions
gripping me all over...
breaking the cemeteries
inside me to life..
no heaven or hell
to go to..
i find myself wishing
for your...
and i cant decide...
how can i want everything
at the same time
only that everything is
you...
and i look behind
wishing to feel
your fingers...
as
a pinch of cold emptiness
kisses my bare heels ....
I haven’t yet learnt to bleed
But the wetness that soaks
My mind , after the
Tempest lost its trails
Reminds me of something
Fluid like blood, I find the
Alleys inside me flooding..
Couldn’t ever guess
The accent grazing in ur eyes..
All that I can do
Is to read over the lines
Of my life once again..
And let faint sonorous impressions
Of shadows that passed by
Fill these empty pages
With thoughts from
The inkpot of ur memories….
Perhaps I could say how it feels like
When the touch brushes aside..
Leaving these vacant places even emptier..
Ticking on and on..
A desperate hope of evading
All warps of time
Keeps lurching in vain….
The sounds of mundane chores …
Have to win in the end..
End semesters and millions of promises
And a million more expectations…
Somehow prove their present worth
On these shoulders
That took nineteen years to build
Suddenly burying evrything else…
In a world where change is the rule
And speed is the name of every game
How could I cling to a speck of fantasy..
Only this bit of poison
Still circulating in my blood
Sometimes speaks out its existence
Reminding me of myself……
When the magic silently unfolds..
Unheaping its charms on you….
When your breath desires for someone’s scent..
When u feel the need for something new…
But hands are fettered..
Inviting little evidences in the look of her eyes..
Is all I have for myself to feel anew..
Never ever just let this moment row through..
Find her smile different in more than one way today
Never thought bout it right from the start
Building up something in my heart time and again
Only to leave pieces of her falling apart….
Inside the blanket of her dreamy eyes
Wonder if she calls someone in her mind
Wonder if her voice sings for me quietly…
If only was there a way to find
Never know if these moments will be drowned..
With the flow of time and tide
Don’t care if the slice of fantasy in my dream
Is too bold to kiss my eyes…
Inner words that want to be felt..
Senses that want to be satisfied to the very sinew…
Before hearing a goodbye…
Think of her is all I can do…
Hold on , I cant just stop sighing
Paradoxic spells of relief
Carry on, ur ravage in my mind
But still aint close doors of belief
And I know that all this aint make sense
Anymore, and I ve told myself more than jus once
Stalled are the sand clocks of time n I’m afraid
Blank is this heart but still it runs
And all worth sayin before words speak no more
Is that I don’t need those moments to savour
I care very little for wats in the store
Coz I am already done with ur favour
Droopin off to dreams is all left to do
But I don’t want the jingle of ur smile
To stray into that world, just do let this
Short little fantasy thrive a while
Hold on , I cant just stop sighing
Paradoxic spells of relief
Carry on, ur ravage in my mind
But still aint clos doors of belief
The whispers that kept reverberating
Inside the shadows of the mahoganys….
Inside the purple coffin of peace….
Inside the ripples of saltless seas…..
Dry are my eyes today
Playing with sand dunes….
Winds will blow as seasons sway
Footprints on sand can only but refuse….
What had to perish has to….
When belief had to take the shape of but…
A string of lies..
Nevertheless it had to snap
Eddies keep hissing under the night sky
The fire of survival keeps the lamp burning
In the bedouin’s eye..keeping his hut warm
As long as night should stay in the offing
Slated to receive not the warmth
But the heat of the sun with daybreak
Tendons do feel a creaking…
Premonitions of a soulwreck..?
Life ll keep rolling its dice
Chaining to these lungs a scent
Waiting for the next spell of rain
Saving in this heart what memories had to lend…
when every way through
ends in serrated edges
where reasoning is of little use
but perhaps still worth a try
burying myself
in this grave of complexities
inviting impulses of happiness
in trains of haluccinations
but still when
silent cemeteries
and boyhood smiles
fuse inconspicuously
i can still realise
the feeling of being
far from reality
before the final spark
leaves behind the darkness
of exhaustion....